By Susan Kuebler

Language is the South is a marvelous thing.  Expressions such as “happy as a dead pig in the sunshine”, “grinning like a mule eating briars”, and “pretty as a speckled pup” are just a few of the distinctive phrases you will find in no other parts of the country.  In some isolated parts of Appalachia, linguists have determined that speech patterns there can be tied back to Elizabethan English.  So if you hear someone from the South say “Hit don’t make no never mind” don’t laugh.  Their ways of talking may be closer to William Shakespeare than yours are.

G.R.I.T.S. otherwise known as Girls Raised in The South are taught from their toddler years to ALWAYS be polite.  “Yes ma’am” and “No sir” are drilled into their speech before they reach kindergarten.  Good manners are as important, if not more so, than good health.

But don’t for one second believe that Southerners, especially Southern women, don’t know how to say the most devastating things about anyone while still remaining their traditions of Southern politeness.  It all boils down to three little words.

Bless your heart

Add those three words before or after a sentence, and you can anything about anyone.  For example, “She’s such a terrible cook she can’t even boil water. Bless her heart.”

Or “Bless his heart. He’s so dumb if his IQ were any lower he’d need to be watered twice a day.”

Now you, also, can be a Southerner and criticize, lambast, or denounce Donald Trump, while still remaining polite.  Following are some helpful comments.

  • Donald Trump was so rude to Angela Merkel it’s plain his mama didn’t raise him right. Bless his heart.
  • Bless his heart. Donald Trump is so crazy he thinks Obama wiretapped his phones.
  • When Donald Trump said he had a secret plan to defeat ISIS in 30 days, it’s so obvious he was lying.  Bless his heart.
  • Melania Trump would rather stay in New York than live in the White House with Donald Trump.  Bless her heart.
  • Some of Trump supporters are such idiots they still think Mexico is going to pay for the wall.  Bless their pea-picking hearts.

Now that you’re getting the general idea of how “Bless your heart” works, feel free to employ it in your tweets, letters, and Facebook posts.  You can call out Trump, or any of his cronies, and still retain your dignity.

Sean Hannity can go to hell in a hand basket.  Bless his heart.

 

For more ideas on some of the hilarious things that women in the South are known for saying, check out the Southern Women Channel on YouTube for “Sh%t Southern Women Say”

 

 

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