Dispatches From The Swamp – #5

By Susan Kuebler

Have been underground for days.  Enemy agents everywhere.  Still, I shall send the latest dispatch despite extreme danger to self.

News of The Leader’s choices for junta administration dominated by a number of generals selected for key posts.  Unable to ascertain The Leader’s obvious prejudice against admirals, except for unconfirmed reports that he suffers terribly from sea-sickness and holds admirals personally responsible.

Qualifications for other key positions appear to be 1) significant contribution to The Leader’s campaign 2) complete lack of knowledge of functions of the agency, and 3) evident opposition to a function of the agency.  The Leader’s highly touted promise of Draining the Swamp begins by moving pond scum into government.

Sad to confirm reports of the death of American hero, John Glenn, the first American to orbit the earth.  His courage continues to be an inspiration to members of The Resistance.  He joins a number of other significant people who preferred death to living under The Leader’s Administration.

A person on Twitter, who we will not name except to say he is Japanese American and played the role of navigator Sulu on television series Star Trek, suffered major embarrassment when he called upon members of Senate to filibuster The Leader’s Cabinet appointments.  It is reported that Lt. Ohuru sent him a message from Star Base that Democrats had eliminated filibuster using the nuclear option. His suggestion subsequently withdrawn from public viewing.

Major commentary on news and social media on the topic of “fake news.”  Rest assured that all information in Dispatches from The Swamp, following decades of precedent in The Swamp, is based on unconfirmed reports, rumors, and innuendo.

Swamp leader Newt Gingrich receiving considerable backlash for tweets praising Japanese for “professional brilliance and technological power” when attacking Pearl Harbor.  Considerable lack of judgment displayed by tweeting this on December 7th. Rumors floating that The Leader intends to appoint him as next Ambassador to Japan. Or Guam.

Future First Daughter and husband are moving to The Swamp so that it will be much easier for them to distance business interests from government influence. In the meantime, reports have surfaced that The Leader intends to continue as Executive Producer of the previously failed television program “The Apprentice.”  Entirely possible that nominee for Secretary of State will not be revealed until the end of next season.

A previous rabid supporter of The Leader, Joe Walsh, announced that he has been blocked by The Leader’s Twitter account.  It appears his questioning of The Leader’s actions since election led to his banishment.  Expect more to come.

After failure to locate Shoshana Weissman @senatorshoshana, am trying to discover whereabouts of Washington Post writer Jennifer Rubin @JRubinBlogger to present her with an adorable chipmunk.  Plan to stake out workplace and follow her home.

Recent polling shows that The Leader enjoys the lowest approval rating of any incoming president since polling began.  However, after the election, polling results should not be trusted.  His approval rating could be much lower.

Time Magazine named The Leader its “Person of The Year” cover.  The Leader upset that he was not named “Man of the Year.”  Apparently, The Leader does not recognize the honor Time has bestowed on him by considering him to be actual human being.

Trouble may be brewing in the Electoral College. Many blind followers of The Leader, with as much knowledge of Constitution as he has, do not realize the actual election occurs on December 19th when the Electors meet and vote.  Have personally been in contact with one elector from Texas who announced he will not vote for The Leader. Will report further as the drama unfolds.

Remain vigilant my friends.  America depends on us.

The Crafty Cat

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