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Was it an Apology, a Statement or Wrestlemania?

By, Melissa Dawes

Yes, I am disgusted with Donald Trump. And while I am at it, I am offended by Billy Bush, too. I have spent the last 16 months moving through a myriad of emotions with every controversial, flippant, egotistical, abusive and dismissive remark Donald Trump has hissed through his unnaturally orange lips and sliding off his slithering tongue. To be quite honest, I am even more angry after watching the insincere and awkwardly taped “apology” plastered all over the news and social media feeds.

This post actually did start off as a woman who has had enough! And I sure did want everyone to feel my boiling over moment.Then something happened in which I couldn’t decide between my angry eyes or my biting wit. You will have no problem figuring out which emotion won.

I watched hours of breaking news graphics, somewhat expert-filled panels and way too much of Scottie Nell Hughes’ self-righteous indignation over the “suspicious timing of this video leak,” and her tantrum when Ana Navarro dropped the “P” word so many times that I actually lost count. When we were allowed a commercial break, I had one hell of an epiphany. I finally understood how Oedipus felt when he got the urge to gauge his own eyeballs. The Trump Campaign had struck, again! They were controlling an entire news cycle regarding the latest unpresidential moment brought to us by the man who gave you Trump Steaks! The news outlets spent hours guessing what Trump would say — which if you translate that accurately, it should read, “Kellyanne Conway’s note to America regarding why Donny was naughty this time.”

What we had waited for and what we actually got was not an apology. The media labeled this moment an apology. Donald Trump merely tweeted: “Here is my statement.”

Welcome to another day in the Donald Trump Sideshow! In today’s episode, America finally has a sit down interview….scratch that. The taped apology…wait! A scripted 20 second statement in which Trump begrudgingly confesses he is not perfect, has said some things he is not proud of, but this “decades old video” appears to be one of those seemingly imperfect — but rare — times when he said something he should not have. He does have an important qualifier: “Anyone who knows me knows these words don’t reflect who I am.” Then he goes through his obligatory “apology” checklist: “I said it, I was wrong and I apologize.”

This is where you would expect the apology…sorry, statement….to end. Oh no, not a chance! The showman took over and I swear I was watching a commercial promoting Wrestlemania 23. That’s the one where Trump battles it out with WWE Chairman Vince McMahon. Only in this episode, the part of Vince McMahon will be played by Hillary Clinton.

As we have come to expect, Trump goes right back to the only things he knows: He still wants to change America, illegals are still killing us, our jobs are still going to other countries and then….this is my favorite part…Trump declares, “I will never ever let you down.” In the middle of the biggest BS of an apology, Donald Trump Rickrolled all of us. And now I am back to angry.

Before I forget, he did exclaim Bill Clinton did way worse things than Trump ever did. And Hillary is even way, way more worse than Bill because she helped cover it all up. He closed with promising to tell us more over the next few days! And if you had not already felt like you needed a shower to wash off his smarmy remark, he added an even smarmier turn of phrase which really was the smarmiest moment of the entire night: “See you at the debate on Sunday.”

The moral of this entire story: We all got played by the King of the Con of the Deal. Nothing changed. His remarks in the original video were disgusting. However, he has been saying shocking things every damn day he is on the campaign trail or having special time with Sean Hannity. Tomorrow the Trump Apologist Train will be out in full force and they will spend the next few days making the rounds on all the shows. You remember the shows? The ones Donald gets policy ideas from because he is smarter than the Generals. I digress. So I am actually even more angry because now I have to hide so Katrina Pearson can’t see me through my TV, which she absolutely can do because she has witchy powers. Then I end up feeling sad as I resist the urge to have a pizza delivered to CNN because I don’t think they ever let Kayleigh McEnany leave the sound stage. She has panel duty from sunup to sundown.

You have to be asking yourself: Why!? Why should we even care? Why would the Trump campaign want to control the news narrative for a few days? My theory? Hurricane Matthew.

The news started percolating over the weekend that the storm would start with Haiti, visit a little bit of Cuba and plow over Nassau — which fans of Hamilton the Musical will enjoy talking about during totally random Broadway trivia discussions! The storm was to then make it to the United States by the middle of the week and was predicted to batter the coast from Florida up to North Carolina, then literally the hurricane will play the hokey pokey as it turns itself around and heads back to the islands . And some pundit on some channel said something I almost didn’t catch. I didn’t even remember what this talking head had said until the moment I finished watching the grand apology that was really just a statement. So uneventful were his remarks, that I can’t even remember the reporter’s name. He pointed out that the timing of the hurricane and the second debate would allow us a rare opportunity to witness how both candidates handled a real life and death situation. Then we could all talk about how they did at the debate on Sunday. Team Clinton had a head start with President Obama announcing states of emergency for the areas impacted. And with the leak of a decades old, disgusting Trump video changed the news narrative.

And this is why we are now back to me being angry!

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